The Ballad of Johnny Cage
If good looks was a minute/ You know that you could've been an hour- Smokey Robinson, 'The Way You Do The Things You Do'
Sometimes life imitates art. Other times, life imitates video game plots. (Yes, those are the only two scenarios, so just accept it and move on) Anyone who had a Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis in the 1990’s is no doubt familiar with the Mortal Kombat franchise and its role in popular culture. The “Bloody Flagship” of violent video games, MK was essentially a trans-dimensional tournament in which the best fighters from various “realms” were selected to do battle. It featured robotic ninjas, skeleton-faced assassins, lizard people, evil centaurs, evil-er cyborg chicks, Chinese Thunder Gods in coolie hats, and even some regular fighters from Earth. One of the original “regular” fighters was a hot shot named: Johnny Cage.
Even though he was the star of such commercial hits as Ninja Mime and The Gist of My Fist, (sigh…those are actual film credits on his resume) Cage was often maligned by critics as being a mere “stuntman” who relied on wires and trick photography rather than his years of martial art study. His sole reason for participating in MK was to prove his critics wrong, which was no easy task considering that it was a SECRET tournament that 99.9% of the world had never heard of. Liu Kang was there to avenge his sensei’s murder. Sonya Blade was there to track down a dangerous criminal. Shang Tsung was there to steal souls. Rayden was there to save earth from destruction. Johnny Cage was there to get his long overdue “props.” Makes sense…..
Sphere: Related Content“Mario, Is There Racing in Heaven?”
Fantastic!
I once hallucinated this exact movie after about 36 straight hours and three missed classes worth of Mario Kart playing. Of course, my dream ended up with DK and Daisy on the winner’s platform and DK giving Daisy his…
[rest of hallucination redacted for taste. ed.]
That was weird. 
One Ring to PWN Them All
If it’s been awhile since I’ve posted, that I apologize, but I’ve been busy. By “busy” I mean that I’ve been very focused on urgent matters that have required my full and immediate attention. By “urgent matters” I mean that….OK. Screw it. I’ve been playing video games. OK? Happy?
Last Tuesday I went out and bought the latest game chapter in the Lord of the Rings franchise called LOTR: Conquest. As you can probably figure out, the game focuses on the fights and the battles from the highly popular films. (Apparently the designers cut the levels where you babysit Gollum, or cook rabbits, etc) The twist in this disc is that not only can you play as the bad guys, but you can team up and fight other players online. Finally, I can stop playing Armchair Aragorn and get out there to prove just how kick-ass a hero I would have been on the Middle Earth battlefield. I can answer the age old question that’s been keeping me up at nights, “How lethal would I be if I was a giant tree-person?” SWEET! Right?
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O'Hare Arpt., IL
