The Onion Weighs In On The Health Care Debacle
“Americans don’t need some government official telling them they don’t have the proper coverage to receive treatment,” Boehner said. “What they need is massive insurance companies to become even more rich and powerful by withholding from average citizens the care they so desperately require. We’re talking about people’s health and the obscene profits associated with that, after all.” (0)

Kind Of Blue Turns Fifty
But nobody cares. (0)

Your Baby Know More Than You
So stop trying to screw them up! (0)

The Atlantic Toasts Gurley Brown
‘She didn’t just hint darkly at the possible pitfalls and sorrows of life as a sexually liberated, “all the time in the world” unmarried woman, she told it as it was; that millions of women chose to ignore that part of the message speaks to how deeply they wanted the David Brown at the end of the rainbow.’ (0)

RIP Andy Kessler
The East Coast skate boarder who made it on to teens’ walls. ‘When other kids saw Kessler carving around the Upper West Side on his board — which would’ve been three inches wide with metal wheels — they followed, and just like that, the East Coast skate scene was born.’ (0)

NYT Magazine on The Beatles: Rock Band
‘The Beatles: Rock Band, which is to be released on Sept. 9, involves playing ersatz instruments in time with the band’s original music.’ (0)

Molly Ringwald Remembers John Hughes
‘We were like the Darling children when they made the decision to leave Neverland. And John was Peter Pan, warning us that if we left we could never come back. And, true to his word, not only were we unable to return, but he went one step further. He did away with Neverland itself.’ (0)

McSweeney's Interviews Daniel Clowes
Creator of Ghost World talks about Cracked, the internet, and how he makes his comics. (0)

Congo, Africa's Hellmouth
Sometimes there are articles you must read, despite their graphic nature. This is one. (0)

Brazil's John Walsh Under Investigation For Murder
Yes, it appears a Brazilian television personality planned murders to boost his show’s ratings. No word yet on whether he would accept the anchor slot offered by FoxNews. (0)

Mike Conklin, At It Again
Because we want to keep you up to date on how our pet bette noir is doing. Another day, another column defending hipsters. Come out of the closet, Mike! (0)

Wow, Frida Was Our 500th Post!
And it was about depression. Shit, I hope I didn’t bum everybody out. (0)

Merle Haggard's Branded Man On Sale @ Amazon
For only $4.58. Great price for a country album everyone should own. (0)

Your March Madness Enemies
Slate points out the teams and players for which we should not root this month. (0)

Fake Art Installation...Or Not?
ImprovEverywhere strikes again by constructing a fake art exhibit at a New York subway stop. Accidentally, they get provide context to the debate, “What is art?” (0)

China On Spending Spree
Decides it better get rid of dollars before inevitable inflationary reaction takes rest of American GDP. That sound you hear is the tilting of the global economic axis toward China. (0)

Bob Dylan Plays Cousin Eddie
Won’t dump the shitter, to the consternation of his neighbors. (0)

Your Must Read Today
A long narrative which unravels the Bush administration’s torture policy. Never forget, America. Never forget. (0)

Hilarious Wings Knock-Off
Listen to ‘Love Take Me Down’, the closing credits song from Role Models, and you’ll ask yourself, “Is this the best Paul McCartney song I’ve heard in thirty years?” (0)

I Escaped From A North Korean Prison Camp
Unbelievable story of a man who lived his whole life in a North Korean prison camp before escaping two years ago. (0)

Econ 101 For You Visual Learners
Neat collection of graphs and charts which tell the story of the global economic mess. (0)

What One Trillion Dollars Looks Like
The scary thing? Our national debt is 50% bigger than this pile. (0)

Crazy San Francisco Orgasm Cult
Women discover their secret O with the company of cloaked men. Hey, Eyes Wide Shut came out years ago! And it was lame. (0)

What Is The American Dream?
Vanity Fair, surprisingly, doesn’t do such a bad job of explaining that fantasy which landed our economy in the soup. (0)

Black Keys' Dan Auerbach On The Current
Plays a few songs from the solo album and talks about his influences. (0)

The Nietzsche Family Circus
Just what it says it is. (0)

Legacy Matters
Bizarre and unfortunate deaths, noted. (0)

Real Life Superheroes?
Apparently, yes. This is so meta, I’m just going to let it speak for itself. (0)

Willis Tower?
Sears Tower gets name of London-based insurance broker. Before they invested, they should note most of us still call it Comiskey. (0)

HDO On Trial In Chicago
Fat, Hispanic city garbage truck driver blames weight of fat co-worker for causing the Hispanic to crush her with truck. And more Chicago political hilarity to be found in John Kass’ column today. (0)