Rickey today is the greatest Rickey of all time!

Rickey would first like to thank Rickey’s God for putting me here on my earth. Also, Rickey would like to thank the Rickey Writers of America for honoring the Baseball Hall of Fame with Rickey. Rickey also wants to thank all these greats behind him who finally get to be immortalized with Rickey. What an honor!

Rickey never retired. So Rickey doesn’t know why people keep asking Rickey how he’s doing. Rickey’s better than ever. Rickey is the stolen base leader in the Vietnamese Baseball League. Rickey won a game for the Laos Landmines by stealing home. Rickey really stole home. Rickey went home with home plate.

Rickey would not be here today if it was not for Rickey’s wife [pulls out card and squints] Pamela. Yeah, Pamela. Pamela is wonderful. Pamela lives in one of Rickey’s homes. Rickey thinks it’s in California.

Rickey also wants to tell Rickey’s daughters how proud he is of them. Rickey can’t wait to have lots of Rickey Jr.’s to race around the block. Rickey Sr. will always win.

Growing up Rickey was great at everything Rickey did. Once Rickey ran back a punt 350 yards. Yeah, 350 yards. Rickey kept running back and forth and none of those motherf….none of them kids could catch Rickey. Rickey was asked to leave the Harlem Globetrotters ’cause Rickey melted four Washington Generals. Rickey can dribble.

But what Rickey has always loved is baseball. Rickey always loved sliding into those white, soft bases. They were so white. So soft. Rickey slid deep into them. Rickey loved them white…[looks again at card] Pamela. Rickey owns many records. Rickey’s favorite record is Thriller. Rickey taught Michael Jackson the moonwalk. ‘Cept Rickey learned it on the moon. For real. NASA covered it up.

Rickey’s other favorite record is his stolen base record. Rickey broke [again with the index card] Lou Brock’s stolen base record in 1991. Rickey then went on to steal so many stolen bases that all the Tim Raines, all the Vince Colemans, all the Willie Wilsons couldn’t get close to Rickey. You hear me, not even close! Yeah, Rickey’s talking to you, Rock.

Well, Rickey’s going to pass the mic now to Ed Rice, who will tell more Rickey stories. Happy Rickey day, Canton!

I mock only in jest. Rickey Henderson is the greatest baseball player I’ve ever seen. Ever. Michael Jordan. Barry Sanders. Rickey Henderson. Three greatest athletes I’ve ever seen. The greats also attract great writers. Rickey was no different. Please take the time to read both these peerless pieces of sports journalism. Have handkerchiefs handy, to wipe away tears of laughter.