The Brett Bracket Brouhaha
If good looks was a minute/ You know that you could've been an hour- Smokey Robinson, 'The Way You Do The Things You Do'
Br. Rice alums are the only ones saying it, but...Bobby Frasor! Bobby Frasor!
Spring is finally here. Not only is it over 70 degrees here in fair Chicago, but we are approaching the best three weeks of the sports calendar-March Madness! Hallelujah! I know many people will be spending the man’s dime this week on picking their brackets or watching the games themselves online. Kudos to you. Many of you need some assistance, a school of thought which will keep you in the money. Well, look no further. Herewith, the philosophy behind my picks this year.
Sphere: Related ContentIphone Drives F1 Car
Yeah, I know. You’ve spent the winter in pajama pants smoking your friends in Mario Cart. What you could have been doing is figuring out how to use your iphone to drive an RC car. If you did, maybe you could have experienced this too. Very cool. 
Hawks 3 Ducks 2 (OT)
Unhand me, foul foul!
The wife and I took in the Hawks game last night with the Spadonis. And what a great game to catch. With the trade deadline looming, the Hawks and Ducks are franchises going in opposite directions. The Hawks continue to impress, with youth, speed, and energy to burn. The Ducks showed up clinging to the seventh playoff spot in the West, tied for second in most penalty minutes per game.
The Hawks scored a little over a minute into the game. Our Man Toews won the draw and Matt Walker slapped the puck. Jean-Sebastien Giguere could not corral the rebound, and after a Toews attempt Troy Brouwer stuck it into the back of the net. The Hawks showed some ice artistry with their second goal. Martin Havlat and Dave Bolland worked a give-and-go which Havlat ended with a pretty pass to Andrew Ladd, who slid the puck in from behind Giguere.
Sphere: Related ContentPittsburgh 76 Connecticut 68
I'm 'bout to beat this Thabeet against the glass. Again.
Connecticut’s Hasheem Thabeet stands 7′3″ and weighs 265 pounds. All year long in the Big East he has had his way in the paint, menacing opposing centers and swatting away the efforts of guards eager to get to the hoop. Until last night. Immovable object met irresistible force. Irresistible force won. The irresistible force was Pittsburgh’s 6′7″ DeJuan Blair. DeJuan never played scared last night. He took the ball right to the hoop against Thabeet, and took Thabeet right out of the game. When Thabeet fouled out with under a minute to play, he had played only 23 minutes. Those 23 minutes resulted in 5 points and 4 rebounds.
Sphere: Related ContentMiami Heat 95, Chicago Bulls 93
This man is too Chicago to be wearing that uniform!
They NBA year has so far not been kind to Bulls fans as 1) the team is about as awful as they were last year, 2) the 2008 year ended with national debate as to whether the Celtics (meh) or the Kobe Lakers (sacrilegious!) were better teams than the Jordan Bulls, and 3) our preferred next Jordan still suits up for the Miami Heat. One and three came to visit the United Center last night. I like to play a game with people. What Chicago Bulls would make the rotation for the Los Angeles Lakers? Rose- yes, on potential alone. Gordon- yes, because natural scorers never stay on the bench. Hinrich? Maybe. Deng? Nope. Thomas? Ha! Noah? He wouldn’t have made their D-League team. People, the Bulls are not a good team. Not at all.The fact that they might make the playoffs is the clearest indication of the watered down status of pro basketball.
Sphere: Related ContentSuper Bowl XLIII
Left toe, right toe, ball possessed, touchdown!
Last night, an awful football game was rescued in the final eight minutes by the play of two great wide receivers, the Cardinals Larry Fitzgerald and the Steelers Santonio Holmes. These two stepped above the myriad penalties, missed assignments, poor tackles, and dropped balls and made Super Bowl XLIII something worth its own hype. Roger Goodell got it wrong at the trophy presentation. This in no way topped last year’s true Super Bowl. There was no unbeaten team on one side, no team from a major market on a winning streak on the other side. Nope, for fifty-two minutes this game looked exactly as I thought it would. The Steelers played offense just good enough to stay ahead and keep Larry Fitzgerald off the field. The Cardinals couldn’t figure out which side was up and what they were supposed to do to win.
Sphere: Related ContentBlues 2 Blackhawks 0
Nice two period shutout for Mason.
Hawks captain Jonathan Teows might not use the word slump to describe the way the Hawks have been playing, but maybe because he prefers the term boring. For the second straight game at the UC, the Hawks sleptwalked through a loss. Last night against the Blues, they didn’t even show up for the first period. They managed 3 shots during that period. 3 shots?! At home? Cup contenders don’t show that kind of lack of effort, and these Hawks think that they’re that good. Perception met reality last night. A Blues team that struggles to win on the road outplayed the Hawks in every facet.
The Blues scored during the 1st period snooze on a 55-foot wounded duck from Jeff Woywitka (who? exactly) which found that tricky gap under Huet’s ass. The goal was the first scored by Woywitka in 37 games. The second Blues goal also went under Huet’s seat from Blues orc Keith Tkachuk.
As for the Hawks offense, well, it wasn’t really there. Havlat showed up, as he has of late, but he didn’t get much help from his teammates. Byfuglien blew a great Havlat pass in the first. You’re not going to win too many games putting up 21 shots. I’m telling you, this was one very hard to watch hockey contest.
The Hawks miss Dunc. I never thought he was that intrinsic to the team, but he does suck up a lot of minutes and chip out the puck for rushes. Without him, their defensemen are pretty thin, even though Campbell played well last night. Maybe Edzo’s right, and Dunc is the best defensive defenseman in the NHL. This much I know, the Hawks have looked like last year’s squad without him.
Random thoughts:
- The Burish-Dan Hynote ‘conflict’ in the second period bore more of a resemblance to my attempts at hooking up in HS than an actual fight. Although Burish hilariously shook his hockey hair out to the crowd afterward. Well played, dirtbag.
- The Hawks celebrated Tony Amonte night by giving out pins last night. Pins? What about Amonte Mullet night? That guy was the American Jagr, for chrissakes. Nice to see he and Tkachuk not make out during the puck drop.
- Odd five minute major for Barker in first for interference. I don’t really have a problem with it. Barker was totally out of control, but Backes did some fine acting. He was back skating before the end of the period.
- Hawk Home Fan of the Night- The guy screaming ‘ZAPPA!’ constantly right behind Steve Konroyd during the first intermission. Also wore Zappa shirt, in case some of us thought he was asking for a Slovak beer or something.
- Hawks don’t play again at home until Valentine’s Day.
- Foley Moment of the Night- Says Edzo will be working with the ‘Channel 5′ crew at the All-Star Game, like WMAQ is covering the game.
- Versteeg went out at the end of second with what looked like a broken pinkie, and didn’t return. Just what we need.
2009 AFC Championship Game
We're very happy you're OK, Willis
Before we dig into game analysis, let me say that we at Shambollocks! are very pleased that Ravens RB Willis McGahee appears to be A OK after his extraordinarily violent collision in a game that was already in hand for the Steelers. We who love professional sports, especially the more violent games like football and hockey, often forget about the price these athletes pay in their own mortality. True, they are paid way beyond their contributions to society. But their careers do carry a cost. One only needs to look at the mortality statistics for ex-NFL players in comparison to the general population. My someday son will grow up to be a left-handed pitcher. That’s all I’m saying.
Now, the game itself. Wow, what an ugly, ugly football game. Dumb penalties, dropped balls, missed reads- this game had it all. It is not on its way to Canton. Ugliest of all was the play of rookie Ravens QB Joe Flacco. I never watched a Ravens game all year, but I constantly heard how great Flacco was. Then I’d look at the numbers and say, “Really, this guy is THAT good? These are Mike Tomczak stats.” I’m not going to take last night as reflective of the ex-Fighting Hen, but it might just be the most awful quarterbacking I’ve ever seen in a playoff game. True, he had to face Troy Polamalu, who heads a militant Polynesian seperatist movement when he’s not leaping offensive lineman, and the Steelers’ LBs, who are already drawing up which Kurt Warner limbs they will take home as Super Bowl souvenirs. But come on! He completed 3 passes in the first down! He threw three picks! The Bears have two quarterbacks who could do that.
Of course, the Bears don’t have the Ravens defense, which hung tough despite being hurt and playing their 18th straight week and third straight road game. The difference in the game was how Steelers’ QB, Big Ben Roethlisberger, handled the pressure the Ravens gave him. You’d be hard-pressed to find much national QB love for Ben. He doesn’t have the movie-star looks of Brady or Romo, nor the near-autistic field awareness of Manning or Brees. Big and broad, he looks like the meathead HS football player you loathed. All Ben has done in his first five years is win consistently without the weapons which any of the above players have access. His best weapon, Hines Ward, full-time badass, part-time wideout, went down with a knee early in the first quarter. No Hines, no problem for Ben. He moved the ball around to the other receivers. He magically escaped Raven third-down blitzes (shouldn’t he lumber more?) to complete big play after big play. He looked off Ravens immortal safety Ed Reed who, besides one big play early in the game, was irrelevant to the result. He won the game for the Steelers, and will bring a heavy 6.5 point favorite (if Hines Ward goes, which you know he will) into Tampa for the Super Bowl against the Arizona Cardinals.
Random thoughts:
- With Flacco doing his best Cade McCown, why didn’t Baltimore commit to the run more, especially with McGahee having some success in the first half? It just seemed to me that Harbaugh played into Dick Labaugh’s hand from the get-go.
- Haloti Ngata, Ravens’ DT, played like Tommy Harris used to. Somebody get a tape of this game to Tommy’s house.
- Everybody bags on Joe (Nepotism) Buck and Troy (Freak Hands) Aikman on Fox, but Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are the worst lead broadcast team in the NFL. I thought Fred Willard was calling the game most of the time on both ends. Simms threw out nuggets like, [about the Steelers] “This is a team up 13-0. This is a team playing the Ravens.” What does that mean? Throughout the game, you would never have thought the Steelers were winning with how complimentary they were to the Ravens and Flacco in particular. What game were they watching?!
- Why I love sports? Late in the second half, Linas Sweed (great name!) drops a sure TD from Big Ben, and then pulls a WR moment by laying on the turf and costing his team a timeout. The timeout loss ended up being huge, as Big Ben mishandled the clock and the Steel couldn’t get off a field goal. Two plays later after Sweed’s drop, Steelers’ TE Heath Miller caught a pass in the flat and Sweed straight-out crushed Ravens’ CB Corey Ivy with maybe the hardest WR block I’ve ever seen. Is there any other field besides sports where goats become heroes so quickly?
- Berman-proof Super Bowl Pick: Steel City 24 Sunbirds 12. Kurt Warner’s career ends underneath a pile of Steelers’ black and gold. Troy Polamalu III will explain why the family still has Larry Fitzgerald’s skull on the mantle seventy years from now. James Harrison will wear the necklace which holds Edge’s grill more than the Super Bowl ring James earns in the Sombrero in two weeks.
2009 BCS Title Game
Lemme at that Opie Taylor-lookin' Sam Bradford
That toxic imminent threat to national security, the BCS, foe of both Barack Obama and Bobby Rush, wrapped up its series last night with the putative national title game between the Oklahoma Sooners and Florida Gators. The buzz you read and hear about this game today is how much of a let-down it was, and what a perfect example it is for the worthiness of a playoff. Now, you can read debates for days on why a college football playoff makes so much sense. I’m not going to go down that road. The fact is, I found the game mostly entertaining. You had two great coaches. Two great quarterbacks. And two defenses who played their asses off for the better part of sixty minutes, until Florida’s speed on offense caught up with the tired Sooners.
The Sooners’ Sam Bradford, winner of the Heisman Trophy, faced off against last year’s winner, Gator Tim Tebow. Tebow got the best of this contest, but Bradford put up a hell of a fight underneath a ton of pressure. Florida’s blitzes denied Bradford the time for the deep ball, and their secondary provided enough hard hits and athletic coverage to jostle Okie’s wideouts into a number of dropped passes and misplays. Both Bradford’s picks were not his fault. The first at the goal line came off a stick on the receiver from Gator Joe Haden and a bouncing ball landing in Major Wright’s hands. The second was a dropped ball by wideout Juaquin Iglesias, who picked a bad time, mid-air, to get a case of ‘gator arms.
Tebow was Tebow, throwing some ugly balls but making the ones that counted, including a beautiful thirty-yard play off a run fake to set up the last Florida score. What makes Tebow Tebow, though, is that he runs the ball violent, Burt Reynolds against the guards style. He loves contact, and that’s rare in a big-time skill position player.
Percy Harvin, listed at 90-95 percent before the game, never needed that extra ten percent against the Sooners. Coach Urban Meyer’s offense gets Percy the ball in space, and after that he outruns everybody. The rumor that he outraced the Sooner Schooner at halftime as well was never confirmed. And Percy can bench 405 pounds. Kid’s a straight-up freak. If he can take contact, he will be a beast at the next level.
Oklahoma’s hurry-up offense only got rolling on a few drives. Most of the game, Bradford scurried about the line and twisted his head back and forth toward the sidelines, which I rarely saw him do during the regular season. I chalk that up to the noise of the Gator crowd at the Orange Bowl, and to a Florida D who showed Sam looks that he didn’t catch on tape.
Florida’s special teams also chipped in with a huge field goal block during their decisive fourth quarter. The kick was blocked by DE Carlos Dunlap, center in picture above. Carlos was a man last night, constantly finding no one between he and Bradford.
Some other thoughts from my viewing:
- Unconfirmed evil robot and confirmed douchebag Bill Belichick was caught smiling in Robert Kraft’s luxury box. When asked what brought on the annual working of his cheek muscles, Belichick responded “That was all Berman. He knows how to work a man when he gets down there.”
-Favorite phony major highlighted by Fox- future Recreation Events Manager and Florida WR, Louis Murphy.
- Oklahoma DT Gerald McCoy was all over the field. I would love to see him in a Bears uniform, but Oklahoma hasn’t been too kind to us of late. Mark Bradley, pick up.
- What was with Stoops’ going for it in the second quarter, game tied, on fourth down at the two? Hey, Bob, you’ve got thirty more minutes. Take the lead, brother.
- Crappy job I don’t have on my resume- OU offensive phony signal caller.
- How happy was the NCAA with a halftime show highlighting the 728 recruiting violations between Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer. Switzer: “We called that The Dead Coed.” Fox moderator: “The play?” Switzer: “No, that’s what we called the players-only dorm.” Next month, catch the new Fox financial show with Hank Paulson and Bernie Madoff (and how great is it that a Ponzi operator’s name is “Made-Off”?).
- At least no Big-10 this year.
- Thom Brenneman’s Keith Jackson impersonation was awful. For that, his father is right now keying my car.
- Fox did a great job picking up the false whistle Tebow heard on third down before the Gators were forced to kick a field goal early in the fourth.
- Both Dunlap and DT Torrey Davis, who made the key stop on Florida’s first goal line stand of the second quarter, are not listed as starters on Florida’s roster. Urban (great name for such a square, right), you’ve recruited yourself some serious depth at Florida. You might win a bunch more of these, unless you do something really dumb. Like, leave this school for Notre Dame.
All in all, I thought, good stuff. Can I take my BCS-proof hazmat suit off now, Congressman Rush?
Winter Classic 2009
Almost makes up for having to put up with Cub fans.
The Winter Classic yesterday was one of those rare ‘made-for-TV’ events which lived up to the hype. Kara and I took the L down to Wrigley and arrived somewhat into the first intermission. What a crowd of people! For years, it seemed like being a Hawks fan was like loving death metal, something you mostly did alone in the comforts of your own home. The streets were thronged, and sure, there were more than a handful of Lakeview tourists wanting to get shit-faced all over again, but most looked like hockey nuts.
Wrigley Field looked great, with huge ‘Winter Classic 2009′ banners all over and the flags of every NHL team flying around the perimeter. After taking a few photos, the wife and I headed to the Ginger Man, one of the few non-yuppie/ douchebag bars in Wrigleyville. The Ginger Man jumped with giddy excitement, as the surprising number of Wings fans played well with us Hawks hacks.
As for the game, well…The Hawks came out as corked as one of Der Sammy Soso’s bats early on and took a 3-1 lead into the second. Then they presto-changoed into the lumbering, puck-flailing unit of ‘06. Who was that team out there in the second and third periods? Surely, that was not the Hawks I know and love this year, right? The Wings piledrived the poor Hawks and then played keepaway with the puck for most of the third.
Snap verdict: Best product at Wrigley Field since Gayle Sayers and the Bears moved to Soldiers Field.
The REALLY loud ‘National Anthem’. Amazing how it almost drowns out the jet fly-over.
And the Seabrook- Cleary wipeout into the bench. Take that, puckface!
O'Hare Arpt., IL
